Hello Again!! Thank you for your patience, and for so many new subscribers in my absence. I am so happy to see you! Feel free to comment if you like. I LOVE Comments. I was meaning to post in April. Still working on that one!! “Life happens while we’re making other plans,” to paraphrase John Lennon.
It was Father’s Day today and I have a father I DO NOT want to remember. Wish I could shake from my psyche once and for all, the remnants of the severe, excruciating emotional abuse I suffered because of him for so many years- too many years, throughout my childhood: especially adolescence and young adult years. HE stopped communicating with ME about thirty years ago. I was just reminded that this was the case because I stood up to him and defied him. He was clearly asking me NOT to do something for the sake of his own ego. I was fed up with dealing with his abusive, irrational manipulations. Going into more detail than this still upsets me and is not necessary to make the point that: My father is the most narcissistic person I have known personally or professionally. He clearly has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I deeply believe that people like this cannot truly love anyone.
I have made a good life for myself in spite of his ugliness. I am deeply fortunate that the rest of my family is loving and supportive. I have had and have many good men in my life who soften this ache. I am now actively working in my own psychotherapy to clear the cobwebs in my head away, specifically around romantic relationships with men. It has taken me many, many years to have the courage to discuss the subject, let alone find the “right-fit” therapist to help me do it! I realize now, it is not a relationship I fear so much as the dating process: rejection, bordem, superficiality, frustration,”Will it ever happen”. My tolerance for the unknown has increased slowly, and is still.
FIND good men, BE good men. And please NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the positive and negative affects of your behavior and words on your children. Happy Belated Father’s Day to all the good men who bring joy, soothe pain, and do what is right!