Just Start…Writing and Laughing!

Starting from where I am right now. You can take some of what I say and leave the rest, if you choose.  These are my thoughts that come from my experiences and innate beliefs. If I help someone, just a little bit by what I share on my blog, I have succeeded. I am an open-minded person who loves learning new things but HATES debating. I am starting where I am right now, not necessarily at the beginning. I am overdue for a post anyway.

          I’ve never been good at putting things in order, especially my thoughts…I just  START though. This will mostly be a “messy” post/ blog in general.  Typos have already happened. I am a fairly good editor but not spotless. I correct as I see additional mistakes over time.

      I am not a linear thinker. I am a right brain, process oriented person.  Loose-ended thoughts will happen, they are bound to happen. “Themes will emerge over time”, I learned that years ago in my own psychotherapy. So, I will develop  some ideas further in separate posts.  Just last week my new therapist said to me: “Just start, the important stuff will come out!”

           I was thinking of beginning by telling you when I came up with a my blog name “tenaciouslight”. That specific experience doesn’t seem as important at this as what I’m going through right now. I will get to that in another post and it is just a specific example of the broader idea. I think my whole life though is an example of being tenacious light. I feel Everything deeply, my Joy and Pain. I  work with any goal/ life-situation  for the long-term until a resolution comes no matter what gets in the way during the process!  Sometimes that resolution is not under my “control” but sometimes it is. I do believe that Everything, Everything  happens for a good reason whether I understand it right now or not. And I truly believe in free will but the ultimate outcome, I believe comes, from a Divine Source.

          On 9/11, I struggled with a lot of anxiety. Not only were there memories from that horrible day but I have anxiety about really starting to study for my LCSW license test again. This 9/11 remembrance hit me harder than previous years. When Sept. 11, 2001 happened I had just turned in my thesis and graduated with my Master in Social Work degree a few weeks earlier. Now, I am approaching the culmination of over ten years of hard work with this test, which is only one of two I must pass, to be a licensed therapist.This will be my second time taking  this exam. I missed passing by four points in June. What is an LCSW?

            I was just locked up and I’ve been that way for a few weeks. My stomach was in knots I was dropping things and running things over with my wheelchair more than usual– I get really messy with stressed A big bookcase shelf came undone and spilled books… I put the shelf and books back slowly.                                I chatted on Facebook in extreme avoidance of studying. Planning is very hard for me. Especially a plan for studying over an extended period. My mom taught me that actions and plans cure anxiety, which they do to a certain extent provided I am not too anxious already to make them or follow them!  I also know planning  is harder for me than the average person without my learning difficulties caused by Cerebral Palsy (CP). More on how CP affects me in future post(s). I realized something profound:  Laughter cures anxiety even better!!!  Belly laughter loosens the body. My stomach was no longer tense. Laughter loosens the stress of life. I always knew laughter was a stress reliever. But this amount of relief surprised me! My laughter was a Surprise Loosener…! got two hours of studying done!!!

  I have been wanting to finish this post too. Writing does help with reduction of stress too. Specifically journal writing by hand gets the emotional energy flowing through the body for me. I think there have been studies on this. I am participating a writing workshop for women this Sunday where I will get my fill of that. Hershops are extraordinary!  Check them out here!